Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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