she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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