if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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