there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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