he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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