I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Randomize
