I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
id be glad to
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
