question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
