I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
