youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
