I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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