Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
