i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
No more Irish car bombs ever.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
