Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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