somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
