Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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