My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
