dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
