Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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