I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
