and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
