I want to have your abortion
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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