I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
