I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
