So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
