my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
