I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
