If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
