So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
