I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
