i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
