he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
