my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
