I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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