Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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