You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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