She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
