I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Randomize
