Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
it hurts more in the daytime
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
