Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
