i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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