I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
