We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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