I will die if light touches me.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
