Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
