i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
