FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
All I want is dick and wine.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
