She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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