i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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