I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
