She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
