My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
