I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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