the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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