I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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